


I'm Tripping Up (I'm Tripping In The Dark)

by NeedleToTheGroove (melissa7187)



Series: Oh, Slack Jawed Me (Can't You See?) [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Blink if you miss it Staubrey, F/F, Post PP2, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:56:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13448076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melissa7187/pseuds/NeedleToTheGroove
Summary: “You said that you didn’t want things to change between us.”"They won't", Chloe whispers while stroking her cheek gently and closing her eyes, enjoying how nice Beca's fingers feel as they linger on the last two buttons on her shirt. "We'll still be friends. We'll just be introducing new activities into the mix. And some of them will be nude."





	I'm Tripping Up (I'm Tripping In The Dark)

* * *

It feels strange to Beca that she’s had more fun with the Bellas _after_ graduating than she did in her four years at Barden. It’s the summer after graduation and they’ve all managed to put down roots in the city and there’s something different about being able to go out to visit your friends instead of living under one roof. It doesn’t hurt that none of them have found serious jobs yet. Beca’s sure things will change when there are deadlines and early morning meetings at play, but for now, she's embracing this carefree kind of life.

They have parties **every** night.

Beca can't believe some of the reasons that the girls find to get together. They have karaoke nights and go to Braves games and chill on the rooftop deck of the nice apartment building that Ashley and Jessica live in. They tried bowling once (she swears she's never wearing communal shoes again) and had a murder mystery night that led to spilled wine and Lily disappearing for three weeks. And sure, sometimes she wishes that a text invite to one Bella to check out a movie didn't lead to having the whole gang there, but she doesn't hate it. Surprisingly.

It just feels…weird sometimes to find herself sticking around after graduation. She had pretty big dreams and maybe she should have followed Jesse out to Los Angeles instead of agreeing to have a fresh start as long-distance friends, but something made her stay. Maybe it was the comfort of knowing that her friends were sticking around too and that she would always have Residual Heat as a fallback if the independent route didn't go as planned. And sure, she doesn't love that all of her friends have cute little apartments and part-time jobs while she's camping out in her father's guest bedroom, but she's saving money and trying to be as creative as possible when her days are basically free for the taking and it's okay for now.

She wanted to live with Chloe, but surprisingly the girl had found a studio apartment in Buckhead and couldn’t resist moving out on her own. And she _swear_ s that’s she happy for the girl, but she kinda thought that they would move in together. They had **talked** about it when they were packing up their shit before moving out of the house. But then she broke up with Jesse and Chloe insisted that maybe it was for the best that they didn’t live together. That she didn’t want to drag Beca down when she was getting her post-breakup groove on.

Stacie told her to read between the lines when she confided in her over breakfast one morning, but she’s not quite sure what she meant by that and God forbid she actually elaborate. She’s always felt left out of an inside joke with them and she’s sure it has something to do with that awful Bhloe nickname, but it’s not worth her time.

They're just friends. Good friends. Which doesn't make it a coincidence that seemingly every party ends with her sitting in a quiet corner with Chloe and talking about whatever while sharing a pair of earbuds. Sometimes it's the only reason that she tugs on clothes and drags herself to movie night at Stacie's or to trivia at the pub by Flo's building.  It’s something to look forward to and as the summer days all seem to blur into one mix of laughter and alcohol and paper lanterns, it’s the stability that she needs.

Tonight is no different. And as Amy puts on House of Pain and everyone seems to swarm around the stereo in the corner of Chloe’s living room to do exactly as the song says, Beca joins her friend on the small balcony that can barely fit a chair but is snug enough for them to sit side by side comfortably.

Chloe doesn’t say anything as she joins her and Beca doesn’t mind when she leans into her side and rests her head on her shoulder. Chloe’s been quiet lately and she doesn’t really know what to say. She would have thought that of all people, Chloe would be living up the arrangement that they all have with each other. She had been so afraid of losing the Bellas that this should feel like heaven to her, but it seems like more often than not she finds her simply watching everyone else as they enjoy the night.

"You're not really drinking much anymore," Beca observes after Chloe shakes her head at the PBR she offers her. And she feels like a jackass when she visibly winces a little and she can’t help but think that maybe Chloe took her words the wrong way. “I don’t mean that you had a problem or whatever when you were drinking more. I just haven’t seen you with a beer at any of these things for a while.”

“Are you watching me now?”

Beca doesn’t know what to make of the way her cheeks feel like they’re on fire as Chloe laughs to herself and bumps their shoulders together. Their feet are dangling between the banisters in mid-air and she occasionally knocks her bare ankle against Chloe’s as she looks down at the parking lot three floors below them. She doesn’t remember where she put her Chucks when she walked into the party and maybe Chloe has the right idea. Maybe drinking when around people she trusts far too much is a bad idea. For all she knows, one of those idiots has probably stolen them and strung them over a telephone line. That’s just what she needs after making a fool of herself out here with the one person that she thinks the world of.

"No, of course I'm not watching you. I was just-“

“-B, I’m just messing with you.” Now Chloe’s hand is in her own and she can feel the heat moving from her face down into her chest. It feels nice though and she doesn’t try to move away. She doesn’t know why she’s embarrassed. They’ve held hands plenty of times; it’s practically impossible to even be acquaintances with Chloe Beale and not have some kind of physical contact with the girl. Maybe it’s the alcohol going to her head. “I decided that I like these nights better sober. It makes for nicer memories.”

Beca just nods and there’s something in the way that Chloe is looking at her that makes her think that there’s more she wants to say. She doesn’t push her though and simply leans back into her side while taking slow drags from her beer and looking at the stars. It’s nice, comfortable even, and as Chloe starts to scratch her scalp soothingly with her nails like her mom used to do when she was a little kid she thinks that maybe she could close her eyes and just float away.

But like all nights their quiet moment is interrupted by the sound of something breaking and Stacie calling out through the glass door to see where Chloe keeps her broom.

She likes the way that Chloe’s sigh tickles her cheek and it makes her realize just how close they were sitting. Her limbs feel achy as Chloe tugs her to her feet and motions for her to come inside with her. And as they step into the apartment and she’s bathed in the electronic music that is pouring from the bookshelf speakers it feels like she’s in a different world.

That is until Chloe pulls her out of it again.

“You should stay over tonight. I don’t want you driving the whole way back to Doc Mitchell’s this late.”

And just like every summer night, when she’s convinced that Chloe could tell her to jump off of the balcony or go skinny dipping and she’d do it, she nods and squeezes her hand as they part ways and she goes to find a quiet place to wait out the party ending so she can have her friend to herself again.

* * *

Eventually, they start dropping like flies into new careers, friendships, and lives. They never do see Lily again after the eventful dinner, but it's most likely due to her burgeoning Insta-fame and **not** for her traveling through time like she once bragged about. Stacie puts her engineering degree to good use and moves closer to the naval base where she works, while Cynthia Rose leaves the state completely to be with her fiancé back in New Jersey. Ashley and Jessica can’t get enough of each other and their jobs as nurses so seeing them is next to impossible and Emily is too busy leading the Bellas to return their texts. Flo and Fat Amy float around and show up at the occasional party, but more often than not they’re busy with something new.

Chloe thought she’d be sadder than she feels, but surprisingly she’s okay. It’s much easier to clean up her apartment when it’s just Beca and their small group of new friends they’ve made from Beca’s stint DJing at a club downtown and from her part-time job as a barista at the small café near her building. And some nights, the ones that she enjoys far more than their bustling movie nights or BYOB dinners, it’s just the two of them and it feels like nothing has changed at all.

Sometimes when she closes her eyes and lets everything around her slip away it's just like old times hanging out in the attic bedroom at Barden. Fat Amy was hardly ever there with her revolving door of boyfriends and most nights she found herself sharing a bed with Beca. And sure, she didn't love the endless teasing from Stacie and the texts from Aubrey questioning _exactly_ how close they were, but it was comforting in a way she hadn’t felt since she was a little girl and that was enough to help her ignore everyone else.

“Where’d you go, Chlo?”

Beca’s voice invades her thoughts from across the small island in her kitchen and she just shakes her head while placing the glass that she had been distractedly cleaning for the past five minutes up into her cupboard. When she turns around from her now empty sink and faces her friend she feels her heart quicken just a little at the tiny smirk playing on her lips. She never knew how nice it would be to have Beca as the one that stuck around for her awful attempts at cooking Thai cuisine and their evening long debates over the best boy bands of their youth. It’s nice.

“I was just thinking”, she softly admits while waving off the freshly opened bottle of wine that Beca offers her, “It’s like everything is starting to change. I haven’t seen any of the other girls in a week.”

"I know. Between you and I, I was getting a little tired of going to parties **every** night. It’s hard to think of new ways to French exit without offending anyone.”

Chloe laughs a little at her sarcasm and motions for the girl to follow her into the living room. Beca holds her glass of water while she pulls her bed out from the couch and props up her pillows so they can actually talk comfortably while scrolling through her endless Netflix queue. Beca holds onto her wine glass carefully as she flops onto the bed and doesn’t flinch or move away when Chloe leans against her and rests her head in the crook of her shoulder.

They’ve done this far too often for either of the girls to feel uncomfortable. It’s times like these, when the night is coming to a close and their sleepy conversations eventually fade into soft snores and Beca excuses herself if she’s not the first to drop off, when Chloe kicks herself for letting her pride get in the way and choosing a studio as opposed to holding up her end of the bargain. She hates to see her go home.

“You never know, Beale”, Beca’s whisper shakes her from her thoughts again and she hates that she’s so distracted all the time. “Maybe one day it’s just going to be me and you left – watching awful old sitcoms and stalking our exes on Facebook. It wouldn’t be the worst thing. Besides, I never liked those parties much to begin with; I just came to hang out with you.”

She knows it’s an offhand comment, but it makes something warm grow in her chest that she can’t quite place. All she knows is that she likes the way it feels.

“Are you still awake, Bec?” Chloe asks after a long time and when she feels the girls’ body shake a little from nodding her head she knows it’s okay to continue. “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure, I’m all ears.”

She pulls her head off of Beca’s shoulder and sits up a little in the bed before pulling her comforter up and over her body. She offers the girl part of it and smiles to herself when Beca pulls it over her body too and turns to face her in the bed. She had been scared of talking about it, but the way that Beca is looking at her makes her feel okay. It’s safe – she’s not going to judge her.

“I never felt more alone than I did at those parties. And I know I wasn’t alone, I had **you** , but I just felt…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Chlo”, Beca whispers before reaching out to take her hands in her own. She squeezes them gently and softly says “I understand.”

“I just didn’t understand it. Wasn’t that what I had wanted all this time?” Beca doesn’t nod or shake her head and it makes her relieved. She knows the girl is holding back to let her work through what she needs to tell her and she loves her for it. “I want to tell you that I’ve been seeing someone and I feel so much better now.”

It’s brief, but she catches the flash of hurt in Beca’s eyes as she listens to her words. And she knows what she’s thinking: they’re best friends and best friends tell each other everything. It feels like a lie of omission and she can’t stop the blush of embarrassment from making its way into her cheeks.

"I didn't know that you were dating someone. You could've told me, Chloe. I would've been happy for you; it's great news."

“No, it’s not that.” She pauses and Beca’s brow tenses when she catches the tears that are shining in her eyes. She can feel the girl squeeze her hand again and can’t help the lone tear that makes its way down her cheek. “I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist.”

A flash of recognition goes across Beca’s face and she swears that she almost looks relieved. She knows that she’ll think about that moment later when she’s alone in bed staring at the ceiling, but for now she can’t analyze the way it makes her feel. She’s just so relieved that Beca doesn’t look horrified, that she still looks at her the same way. She had been **so** scared.

"I just got so tired of feeling sad all the time. I couldn't remember the last time I felt okay, probably before senior year, and that wasn't any way to live. I'm starting to feel alright now, like my old self." A genuine smile makes its way onto Beca's face now and that same warm feeling grows again in her chest. "It's why I don't drink now. I'm sorry I lied about that to you, I just didn't know how to explain the possible reactions and side effects-”

“-You don’t have to explain anything. I’m just happy that you’re feeling better. You know you could have told me whenever, right? You didn’t have to fret over it or worry – I’d never judge you.”

“I-I know. I was just too embarrassed to say anything. Not embarrassed about being sick or whatever, just for feeling weak.” Beca shakes her head gently in disagreement before she kisses her hand. She knows that she could never make anyone who hasn’t been in her situation understand her reasoning, so she just shrugs and softly says “I was afraid that you’d look at me differently. It scared me to think that one day you might not recognize the person that you met in the first place, the girl that you wanted to be friends with from the very beginning.”

“Hey, that would never happen. I love you for whoever you are and whoever you’re going to become. That’s what besties are for, okay?” Chloe just nods as she can feel herself teetering on the brink of becoming emotional and Beca pulls her a little closer, letting the girl lean her head on her chest as she runs her dull nails through her hair and against her scalp. She likes the way the girl’s body seems to loosen up in waves and lets her eyes close for a moment as she soaks their entire conversation in. She tries to understand why Chloe had felt so scared of telling her, but it’s hard to wrap her head around it. It makes her stomach ache a little to think that the person she loves the most in this world, the **only** best friend she’s ever had, would think that something like this would scare her away.

She doesn’t voice the gnawing sadness out loud. Now is not the time to make this moment about her. She can’t make Chloe feel any worse or vulnerable than she must be feeling right now. She’s come so far.

"Hey, Beale?" Chloe looks up at her with eyes that are heavy with sleep and Beca feels herself melt just a little. "Can you do two things for me?"

“Anything.”

“Let me give you a hug and let me sleep over here tonight.”

Chloe smiles and moves into Beca’s outstretched arms, letting the girl hold her tightly as she kisses the top of her head and whispers soft, calming sentiments. It’s nice. She feels safe and grounded and so, so happy. This was not how she had imagined this conversation going.

She’s so lucky to have friends like this.

“Come on B, I think I have some pajamas that’ll fit you.”

* * *

She loves her job, as much as one can enjoy serving steaming hot lattes to snippy soccer moms and businessmen. She's always been a people person and it's nice to think that she's starting their day off happy with a smile. 

The numbers and tips aren’t bad either.

But she knows it’s not a career. As much as she loves the heady rush of having a steady supply of hot young guys and girls that want to sleep with her (she never takes them up on the offer because it makes her feel like she’s trading coffee for sex), it does very little to occupy her mind when she’s laying in bed at night. The money isn’t great either and she knows that she can’t continue to take her parents monthly check to bridge the gap between her bills and paycheck for much longer. She has to grow up and so she spends her evenings re-tooling her resume and cover letter as she applies to every teaching position she can find in the state. She even applies for some jobs back home in Portland and hates herself every time she pushes the submit button on the application.

She doesn't tell a soul that she's hunting for a job. She knows that Aubrey will send her endless e-mails filled with tips on how to best get her resume noticed and as much as she loves the girl, she just wants to do this alone. When Beca asks her what she's doing on her laptop one night over coffee she lies and says that she's filling out her profile on eHarmony. The teasing is far better than the potential disappointment of possibly never finding a job and letting someone in on that shame.

And then it happens.

She remembers the moment as clear as day: she had been laying in her bed listening to Sam Smith and sulking when her phone dinged with a new e-mail. She had screamed when she opened it up and saw the offer of employment from a middle school just outside of the city. She hadn't even remembered interviewing for that specific music teacher position, but a job was a job and she was ecstatic to have it.

The first person she tells is Beca – moments after she sends her acceptance e-mail back to the school. And she isn’t surprised at all when fifteen minutes later the girl walks through her front door and hugs her so tightly that her breath catches in her chest. Beca snaps a picture of her for Instagram as she pops open a bottle of wine and lets herself have a very small glass as they crowd in front of her laptop and start to look at decorations for her classroom on Pinterest.

"Don't be mad, but I knew you were applying for jobs", Beca admits while pointing out a cute theme focused around animals playing instruments. "I noticed how distracted you looked one night and snuck a peek at your phone while you were topping off your espresso. I just…I wanted to know how worried I should be about you. Plus, you would **never** use a dating website so technically we both lied to each other.”

“Touché. And thanks, for looking out for me or whatever.” Beca just shrugs while flipping through her phone for some music and Chloe says “I was panicking because the school year had already started, but luckily for me this job became available. Apparently, the music teacher dropped over in the middle of teaching a sixth-grade class how to read music.”

“Jesus, Chlo. Morbid much?”

“I didn’t say it was lucky for her, so stop it. Those poor kids though, they’re going to be traumatized for life.”

“Well, just turn on some of that Chloe Poppins charm and they’ll forget she ever existed.” Beca laughs as Chloe shoves her a little and flips her laptop shut. “I’m just really happy for you. You’re going to be aca-amazing.”

She takes Beca’s words to heart, cataloging them in the part of her brain where she keeps good things, and plunges herself headfirst in teaching. And it’s hard, probably harder than she ever imagined something could be, but she loves it. She has to play catch-up with winning the kids over having started three weeks into the school year, but they seem to like her and it feels better than any phone number or $5 tip ever could.

She decorates her classroom with the cute penguins from her favorite movie Mary Poppins and those animals playing instruments that Beca seemed to like. She isn’t allowed to visit the school to check it out, so Chloe sends her **tons** of pictures of the decorations and how she has the seats arranged and the adorable stacks of sheet music and instruments that the school has provided for them. And when Beca sends her back an assortment of excited emojis and expresses how excited she is for her she melts again. It's another moment that she stores in that special place in her head; that place she goes to when she's having a bad day and needs to be cheered up.

It’s just scary how many of those moments are starting to center around Beca.

As the semester continues on she starts to feel like she’s swimming against the tide. She has lessons to plan and a fall recital to pick songs out for and countless evening detentions because she’s the low man on the staff totem pole. Some nights she walks into her apartment, slips off her shoes, and falls asleep without eating dinner or checking her e-mail. Sometimes she even forgets to check-in with Beca.

It feels like they’re drifting further and further apart and after a week of not being able to talk to each other Chloe nearly jumps out of her skin when she finds Beca leaning against her car in the staff parking lot. She has a look on her face that Chloe isn’t familiar with and she hopes that she’s not angry with her as she digs through her purse for her keys.

“You scared the shit out of me”, Chloe mutters while unlocking the car and motioning for Beca to join her. “Did you walk here?”

“Yeah, my place isn’t that far.”

“Your place…?” Chloe trails off while starting her car and softly says “Your dad’s house is on the other side of the city.”

“I moved in with Amy over the weekend. Apparently, her old roommate was obsessed with her or something, so she had to move out. We’re sharing a place in Little Five. I was going to tell you, but I didn’t hear from you in a couple days.” Chloe just nods and grimaces as her eyes get a little teary. She knows that her doctor would tell her that she shouldn’t feel guilty for having a life of her own, but Beca is important to her. She just has to find a way to keep all of the important boxes in the air as she attempts to juggle them. “I’m sorry for just showing up here, but I missed you and wanted to see you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

"Do you want to come over for dinner?" Beca digs her thumbnail into a small stain on her jeans and Chloe smiles before reaching out and covering her hand with hers. She can tell that the girl is nervous, having learned all of her tells a long time ago, and squeezes it to signal her to continue. "Amy got a gig at a radio station and she won't be home until later. Let me cook for you unless you have other plans or something."

“I suddenly have the rest of the night free.”

Beca guides them to her apartment and Chloe finds herself sitting at the small table off of the kitchen watching the girl prepare dinner. After Beca waives off her offers of help and as the scent of their meal starts to waft towards her, Chloe looks around the apartment and can’t stop herself from smiling. The furniture is mismatched and the rugs and paintings look completely out of place, but somehow it fits. It’s a good combination of homey and out there and she couldn’t imagine it being any other way. Her studio is far too sterile for her to ever feel comfortable in it. Her mother had sent her money and told her to furnish it however she wanted, but part of her never saw herself living there for too long and just told the salesperson at the furniture store that she wanted it modern. When she sees a banner from one of their ICCA championship wins hanging over the fireplace she feels her heart melt.

Why was she always so impulsive? She didn’t know why she had felt so nervy when Beca told her over drinks at their graduation party that she had broken up with Jesse. She had known it was coming for a while, long distance was _so_ not Beca’s style, but those words hit her like a ton of bricks and she couldn’t let herself live with Beca again. Maybe it was the thought of seeing Beca bringing someone home to sleep with. Maybe it was the thought of keeping secrets from her again.

Maybe it had been a mistake.

“Chlo, dinner is ready.”

She re-joins Beca at the table and smiles at the sight of a big bowl of tikka masala sitting on the table. It was one of her favorite dishes and back when they were at Barden she loved to take Beca to this little Indian place off campus that she had discovered with Aubrey a million years ago. As she spoons some over rice in the bowl that Beca places in front of her she can’t help but remember the last time they had done this together. Time was passing by so quickly. Why did they waste so much of their senior year?

“I didn’t know that you could cook. This is really good.” Beca just shrugs a little while dabbing at her lip with a napkin, never one to brag. “I’ll have to keep inviting myself over here now that I know you’ve been holding out on me. I could walk here and everything.”

“My mom used to cook a lot back when I lived at home. I didn’t have to do much of it back on campus, but now that I’m like **actually** an adult it seemed like the perfect time to start trying to remember her recipes." She smiles to herself, remembering something from her past that Chloe doesn't dig any further into, and adds "You can come over any time now that you know where it is. I'm sure Amy would be happy to have you and so would I, obviously."

“I may have to take you up on that offer.”

They sink into silence for a while and Chloe kinda likes the way it feels to just eat with her friend. And when thoughts of work and the upcoming open house start to wedge their way into her thoughts Beca seems to notice how tense she becomes and reaches out for her hand.

“You okay? You’re quiet.”

“I was just thinking about work. It’s been super hectic lately.” Beca nods in understanding and she dabs at the corner of her eye before softly admitting “I definitely didn’t expect it to be like this.”

"You know you can talk to me whenever right? I know that you've been super busy or whatever and we can't hang out as much anymore, but that doesn't mean that I won't be here for you." She squeezes her hand a little and Chloe can’t believe how nice it feels. She can feel the burning in the back of her throat of unshed tears and she blinks her eyes rapidly to try to stop the tears that want to slip over the edge to no avail. “Oh Chlo, don’t cry.”

Beca hugs her for a long time and it feels like home. She sinks into her arms and lets her rub her back as she cries herself out for the first time in a very long time. It’s nice – probably too nice – and she doesn’t want it to end. But nothing lasts forever and as Beca lets her go and rubs her streaked mascara off of the apples of her cheeks with her thumbs she remembers how nice it is to have someone take care of her. How much she misses having people she loves around her. And how far away those lazy days of summer with those girls that held such a huge part of her heart feel.

“Promise me that things will never change with us, Bec. Promise me that no matter how busy or stressed out or famous we get that we’ll always have each other.”

"I promise you, Beale, that nothing can change what we have." She rubs her shoulder a few times with her hand and Chloe allows herself to lean into Beca’s body as she flings an arm around her back while leading her to the living room to watch a movie. “You’re my best friend; you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

And as they sink onto the entirely too comfortable couch and watch a mindless scary movie Chloe can’t help but buy into what she’s saying. No matter what happens they’ll always have each other.

Nothing will change. Unless, of course, they want it to. And Chloe wants so much sometimes that she feels like her heart is going to explode into a million pieces.

She just hopes that Beca feels the same way.

* * *

Beca Mitchell is not a jealous person. Most of the time. She swears it.

It just stings to see how easily someone as unmotivated as Fat Amy has assimilated into adult life.

She's proud of her friend (and not in that fake way when you're secretly seething with jealousy and hoping that they fuck up and get canned within a week), but part of her aches every evening when she turns on her radio program for background noise and can hear the happiness oozing from Amy's voice as she plays requests and guides her rapidly growing audience through their commute. Everyone loves her, the ratings for her two-hour block set records with the station, and it's not long before the girl gets "promoted" to the early morning shift.

Beca swallows shots at the celebration party at a hotel downtown and simply shrugs when Chloe asks her if she's okay. Of course she's okay. Why wouldn't she be okay? She's just barely paying her portion of the rent with whatever gigs she manages to get and has been thinking lately that applying for Chloe's old barista position doesn't sound half bad. There's nothing wrong with a little honest labor.

 **She’s** supposed to be the successful one. And she knows it sounds cocky when she thinks it to herself, but she had built herself up to it for so long that it hurts that she hasn’t made anything of herself yet. That she hasn’t booked a follow-up gig at any of the clubs that she’s been playing. That she hasn’t heard back from any of the places that she’s sent her demos to. That Amy tried so hard to break it to her gently that she couldn’t play her latest remix – even at the very end of her block – because it was against their policy and **not** because she didn’t love it.

She’s reaching for another complimentary shot of Jack when Chloe grips her wrist gently and leads her out of the bustling penthouse suite and up onto the rooftop terrace that overlooks the city. It’s a beautiful view. She kinda wishes she brought a jacket because it’s just starting to get chilly in the evenings, but it makes it easier to breathe.

She wishes she didn’t drink so much because everything is spinning ever so slightly.

“Drink this, Drunk Spice. We can’t have you fighting off a hangover when Amy’s alarm goes off at four tomorrow morning.”

She takes a sip from the bottle of water that Chloe holds out to her and softens a bit as something other than alcohol enters her system. She had forgotten that Amy’s show starts at five and that she’s the hardest person to wake up in the world. She can just picture her annoying alarm going off for an hour and groans as she sips a little more of the water, her head already starting to throb. Fuck her life.

“Do you want to tell me why you’ve been pouting all evening?” Chloe is sitting next to her now and is reaching out for her hand, which Beca doesn’t hesitate to offer. She kinda hates the sympathetic edge to Chloe’s voice, but she knows she means well. “Are you jealous of ‘Croc Talk with Amy’ or are you just jealous of her?”

“I don’t do jealous.”

“Are you sure? No one would blame you if you are.” Chloe squeezes her hand a little and Beca lifts her head off of her shoulder and looks into her eyes. They’re **so** blue. Why did she drink so much? “Your break is going to come Bec, I know it.”

“How can you be so sure?” She can feel the tears that have flooded into her eyes and scoffs as she digs her nails into the bridge of her nose, trying to hold them off. She doesn’t do crying either – especially not in front of Chloe. “I’ve sent out so many demos that it’s kinda ridiculous and no one has said a single word. Like…when did common courtesy go out the window? I send them my hard work and the least they could do is fucking acknowledge it. And I haven’t booked a good gig in forever. I purposely live in the hipster capital of Atlanta and nothing. I’m convenient, God damn it!”

“Beca-”

 “-I go out my front door and all I see is beards and flannel and fucking Vespas. These fuckers should love me! So, excuse me if I think that you’re full of-”

“Stop. You’re the most talented person I know and I’m not going to stand for you talking shit on her, okay?” She’s slipped a finger onto her closed lips to keep her from saying another word and Beca can’t stop from looking down at it. It feels nice. She’s **wasted**. “They just haven’t gotten to see how gifted you are. One day the world is going to know what we’ve all known this entire time and you’re going to be bigger than all of us. We’re going to look back on this day and laugh. And do you know what I’m going to say to you?”

“I told you so?”

“I was going to go with ‘don’t mix your liquor’, but I like that one too.” She’s standing now and offering her hand to pull her to her feet. Beca takes it and is surprised when the world doesn’t spin around her as she’s pulled upright. Maybe she had overestimated how drunk she is. Maybe she just feels safe. “Come home with me. I don’t have to be up until six and I’m sure you could use a break from your favorite hipsters for a little while. I’ll even make you hangover pancakes before I leave.”

She's eating blueberry pancakes in Chloe's bed the next morning when she sends a text to her old boss asking if they have any openings at Residual Heat. She's vacuuming the apartment and swearing at Chloe under her breath (how could a studio seriously be that dirty?) when her phone vibrates in her back pocket. And smiling like the world's biggest idiot when she sees a picture of an empty workstation and an offer to start whenever she wants as a junior producer.

Chloe has a knowing smile on her face when she comes back to her apartment and finds Beca pulling dinner out of the oven. It makes something burn deep down in her chest, like the first time Luke played one of her songs back at Barden or when they sang down in the pool and sounded _so_ good, but she shakes it off. Now is not the time to dwell on her feelings when she has Chinese food burning in her hands and a real job to start tomorrow.

Apparently, later is when those feelings come out to play again and she gets to wear a reminder of that sleepless night for the rest of her life in the form of big bags under her eyes in her ID photo.

She had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t come crawling back to Residual Heat, but the salary is decent and she likes the idea of maybe being able to afford cable or an actual car if she goes a little crazy. Most of all she likes the promises that Jason is making her. She’s going to have a budget to scout talent. He’s going to let her observe a session with a senior producer when Donald Glover is back in town to score his new show. She’s going to have control over her future.

She’s excited. Her first day is so busy that she doesn’t even have time to go out to grab lunch. She keeps Chloe on the phone for two hours telling her all about it. And can’t stop smiling when the girl shows up around midnight with a packed lunch for tomorrow and a hug that doesn’t last nearly as long as Beca would like.

Chloe shakes her head when Beca offers for her to stay the night. She gives her another hug and kisses her cheek before she starts to leave. And before she completely closes the door behind her she opens it up and softly tells Beca how proud she is of her.

The door closes. The burning feeling comes back to Beca’s chest. She stares at her ceiling all night as she replays it over and over again, each time letting it mean something more than it probably is.

Letting it mean what she wants it to.

* * *

Work is an unexpected beast. And Beca is unprepared for how it takes over her life.

Her internship didn’t properly prepare her for exactly how dedicated the role of the junior music producer is and sure she may have been naïve enough to believe it would be a slight step up from fetching burritos and coffee, but she’s **exhausted**. Don’t get her wrong, she’s motivated and finally feeling appreciated for her insight and she loves every minute of it, but she misses the little things. She misses not having to go to skeevy clubs on Friday nights to listen to random strangers play sets that she hates in search of the next big thing. She longs for evenings where she doesn’t have to take her work laptop home with her to remaster a mix of a song or watch whatever YouTube videos the awful interns forward over to her all day. She misses picking up a six pack of PBR and playing drunk Catana with Amy. She misses the parties from summer and long, lazy dinners and midnight bowling.

Most of all she misses Chloe. So much.

She's a terrible friend and she knows it. She's the one that broke their promise to keep in touch when she let her job become her life. Chloe had kept their four-year text streak going until she didn't get a response for a week and simply told Beca to give her a call when she's free.

That was three weeks ago.

She’s had moments when she hasn’t been busy, but she knows that Chloe is probably pissed with her and she can’t bring herself to pick up the phone or send an apology text. It’s easier to keep their friendship status in limbo than to have the answer that she’s been dreading. She knows that she’s a wimp and a coward and everything in between, but at least that’s something that hasn’t been taken away from her in her new, gross adult life.

“You’ve been really busy, huh?”

She looks up from her bag where she’s fumbling to put her keys away and sees Fat Amy waiting up for her in the living room. It’s close to two in the morning. She had spent the evening watching some chick’s trip hop set. Her head is killing her. She doesn’t have time for this.

 “Yeah, I can’t believe it’s fucking November already. Things have been crazy at work.”

Amy nods in understanding and Beca studies her for a moment, frowning when she sees the pronounced bags under her eyes. She’s in her pajamas and looks exhausted. They barely see each other anymore and when they do it’s usually when Amy is leaving their place when Beca wakes up in the morning. She must’ve waited up for her, which somehow makes Beca feel worse.

“Are you coming to Legacy’s birthday party tomorrow?” Her blank face must tell Amy everything she needs to know and she rolls her eyes before she says “I texted you about it two weeks ago. We all chipped in and rented out that suite where we had my promotion party. It’s a surprise for her.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” She can tell from the tiny smirk playing on Amy’s lips that she doesn’t buy her flimsy response and she runs her hands over her eyes to convey just how tired she is. She opens up her messages and frowns when she sees the unopened text from Amy. She is _such_ a mess. She quickly checks her calendar and sighs when she sees that she actually is free that weekend. She’s never had to cancel on Jason before and she’s glad that she won’t have to come up with an excuse to give Amy for why she won’t be at the party. “It completely slipped my mind, but I’ll be there. I’ll run out in the morning to get her a gift.”

“No gift short stack – we got Benji a plane ticket and he’s flying in from Arizona before the party. The last time I saw the kid she was a wreck with Bellas business and her classes so we figured that getting her laid would be the best present.”

“Nice. How much is my share of the ticket and the hotel?”

“$400.” Beca’s mouth drops open as Amy holds out her hand and she begrudgingly starts to open up her checkbook to write one out to her. “Jesus, B, you’re like a walking zombie. It’s only $200, but you can give it to me whenever. Chloe covered for your share of it.”

Her expression must change when Chloe’s name comes up because Amy’s face softens and she pats her shoulder gently. She had forgotten about Chloe. Of course she’s going to be at the party. She practically mothered Emily throughout that hectic final year of college.

“I had lunch with her today. Aubrey drove down for the party and met up with us and Stacie. She’s having a rough go of it. She really misses you, Beca.”

“Yeah…I uh, I kinda fucked that one up.” She plays with her phone before turning it off for the evening and softly admits “I miss her too.”

“Well, maybe you should tell her that and not me. But what do I know? I’m not the one that’s in love with her best friend.” 

“I am not in love-”

“-The party’s at seven. You better be there or I will personally drive Aubrey over here and let her take care of the reason why Chloe has been an emotional wreck for the past month.” She pats Beca on the top of her head, winks, and strolls off to her bedroom leaving Beca to pick her mouth up off of the floor and try to sort out what just happened.

And to plan how she’s going to fix the mess that she’s made of her life.

* * *

“You need to think about what you’re willing to lose in your life for 30 grand a year.”

"Wow - hello to you too, Aubrey." She’s not even on her second drink, but the look on Posen's face makes her head pound. She should have known that there was no way that she'd get out of this party without being put in her place by Chloe's best and most terrifying friend. It doesn’t matter that they have a pretty solid relationship now and that Aubrey even occasionally lets the girl tease her in the ongoing ex-Bellas group chat; Aubrey was fiercely protective of the people she cared about but took it to another level with Chloe. "It's more like 40 grand a year, but I get your point. What exactly am I giving up?"

“Well, for starters you’ve managed to completely alienate your best friend. She’s currently on her third round of drinks with Fat Amy. I had to have Stacie go and keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t get completely wasted and embarrass herself over you.”

“She’s not supposed to be drinking – you know that right?” The curious look on Aubrey’s face tells her everything that she needs to know and she quickly shoots off a text to Stacie, telling the girl to cut Chloe off. “Forget it, it’s not important. I need to go find her.”

“Why shouldn’t she be drinking, Beca? She seemed completely fine at lunch yesterday. Maybe a little quieter than usual, but she’s also been really down lately.”

“If she hasn’t told you about it then it’s not really my place to tell you. When was the last time you even came down here to see her? You’re supposed to be her best friend.”

"I'm pretty sure that she replaced me with you a long time ago." She looks down at her feet and Beca thinks that maybe she had been just a tad too harsh. She had known that Chloe and Aubrey weren't as close as they were before, but she had never questioned exactly what had caused it. She would never have imagined in a million years that Aubrey Posen would be jealous of her and she's not sure if she's allowed to gloat over it or feel incredibly sad for the girl. "Work has been crazy and we may have lost touch over the last few months, but everything seemed like normal when I saw her yesterday. It didn't feel like anything had changed. You've got a look on your face that makes me think that maybe it has."

“Aubrey…you need to sit down and talk to her before you go back home. Are you staying with her?”

“No, I’m staying at Stacie’s place. She has a guest room and she had time off yesterday morning to pick me up at the airport. We’ve gotten pretty close since we both graduated.”

Beca notes the way that Aubrey seems to blush from her cheeks down to her chest and feels her stomach lurch slightly. She's suddenly catapulted back to a few lingering glances and interrupted moments she had caught between the pair during the retreat at Aubrey's camp and in Copenhagen for Worlds. And then she remembers that Stacie hadn't had a significant other in months. That she had caught the girl texting someone at one of their last parties and grimaced when she had called her suitor ‘Aca-Awesome'. That she had found it funny that Stacie, who usually was as open with herself as anyone she had ever known, was being so secretive about who she was seeing. Oh God.

“Oh my God, are you two-”

“-Not a word. We’re trying to keep this between us for now. If we tell anyone then it’s just going to be a Bella’s thing and we don’t want anyone trying to meddle or interfere or, God forbid, _ship_ us when it’s so new.” She frowns as Beca winces at her choice of words and can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes at the girl. She’s **not** going to be mocked by someone as infuriating as Beca Mitchell. “I wouldn’t roll your eyes, Beca. It’s not like no one knows about the thing going on between you and Chloe. We’ve been placing bets on it for years.”

“What thing between me and Chloe?!”

"Are you new? She's had a thing for you since the moment she met you and you haven't been doing a spectacular job of hiding your toner either." When Beca narrows her eyes and tries to put together everything that Aubrey has said the girl realizes that maybe she has gone just a bit too far as well. And that Chloe is going to murder her. “You knew that, right?”

“I have to find Chloe.”

She tries to act like she’s not panicking as she walks through the hotel suite and keeps getting pulled into conversations with people that she hasn’t seen in forever. And sure, it’s nice to see her friends and to meet the new Bellas and to watch Benji make a diamond wristlet appear out of thin air, but she needs to find Chloe. If something were to happen to her because she had been a fucking asshole that put work before her friends then she would never forgive herself.

She has to make this right.

She calms a little when she sees Stacie and Amy hanging at the keg. Amy is showing Stacie something on her phone and the taller girl has her head thrown back in laughter. She doesn’t see Chloe with them though, but she knows there’s no way that either of them would let the girl wander off on her own if she was wasted. They’re too good of friends to pull that crap.

“What are you looking at?” Beca asks casually while picking up a solo cup from the stack next to the keg and filling it with beer. She takes a long sip of the lukewarm liquid and winces at the bitter taste. She’s never been one for beer, but the mixed drinks are across the room and she needs to blend in to track down Chloe. “This is a great place you reserved, Amy.”

“It was more expensive than a koala, but the kid deserves it. Anything to get one of us laid is worth it.” Beca tries not to stare as Stacie blushes and looks down at the phone that Amy has passed to her. There’s an image on the screen of a billboard on a highway and as she pinches the screen to look closer at it she can’t believe her eyes. It’s a fifty-foot-tall cartoon of Amy. Wrestling a crocodile. For the entire world to see. She thinks she’s going to be sick. “Ta-da! My producers sprung for this beauty on I-285. Now everyone gets to see my sexy ass when they drive downtown. What do you think?”

“It’s…special. Definitely unique.” She hands the phone back to Amy and finishes the rest of her beer before chucking the cup into the garbage. “Do you guys know where Chloe is? Aubrey said that you were doing shots or whatever.”

“I wish!” Amy exclaims while shooting Stacie a knowing look. She **knew** that the girl was looking for Chloe and not butting in on their conversation because she liked them. She had mentioned it to Stacie as she walked over and the girl had nearly fallen on her ass laughing. She was too obvious. "The poor kid's a lightweight. Stacie had to tap-in after her second round.”

“She said something about needing some air and was heading to the deck upstairs. I’m sure she’s still up there.”

“Sweet. Well, I’ll leave you to your conversation and your drinks.”

“Go get her, girl!” Amy hollers after her as she walks away and Beca just shakes her head while flipping her off. A few people around her needle her good-naturedly and she feels like she’s two feet tall as it’s now her turn to blush. “And B? Don’t fall off the roof when you’re scissoring. I hear it can get pretty slippery when it’s wet.”

“I fucking hate you guys.”

* * *

"We have really got to stop meeting like this", Beca announces herself as she spots Chloe sitting on a couch alone on the rooftop terrace. The girl catches her eye and quickly looks away, playing with the label on her bottle of water as she looks out at the city. Beca **hates** the silent treatment, but she knows that if she walks away from her there’s a good chance that this rift between them is only going to get bigger and she can’t stand the thought of it. “Do you mind if I join you? It’s too loud down there and I need to clear my head.”

“It’s a free country, B. I’m surprised you managed to show up. I figured that work would be more important than being here for Emily.”

“Jesus Chlo, at least let me sit before you bring the claws out.” She sinks onto the love seat across from Chloe and notes the small smirk that Chloe tries to hide when she flicks her head back and puts her feet up on the nice glass coffee table in between them. “I guess I _kinda_ deserved that though. I haven’t exactly been a great friend to any of you guys lately, especially to you.”

Chloe just shrugs off her words and sighs as the breeze starts to pick up around them. She usually loved fall storms, but she can’t imagine going back into the party again. It’s harder now that she doesn’t have a beer to hide behind and she can’t seem to find a place where she belongs anymore. It used to be so much easier when she was back at Barden and could mask the anxiety of graduating and the pain of saying goodbye to her friends and the burn in her chest of catching Jesse and Beca kissing by getting wasted. She feels so much older now – smarter now that she’s actually taking care of herself. Which makes the tears that spring to her eyes when she catches Beca watching her so embarrassing that her face flushes and she stands up to get away from her, if only for a moment.

She knows that Beca will follow her and she hates how much it scares her.

“It’s fucking windy up here. I hope it doesn’t storm.”

Chloe never swears. Beca likes the way it sounds as she stands up and approaches her from behind, placing a hand on the small of her back and smiling to herself when she relaxes into her touch. She had been afraid that she would turn away from her again. That she would lose her for real this time.

“I’m really sorry I let you down, Chlo. I lost myself in my job and I broke our promise and I wasn’t the friend you deserved. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want me as your best friend anymore.” Chloe simply shakes her head as she turns around slowly and takes one of Beca’s hands in her own, squeezing it gently before placing it back down at her side. “Maybe Aubrey would be a suitable replacement. She was freaking out downstairs when I came in. She sent her little friend to track you down and everything.”

“She’s too busy acquainting herself with Stacie’s bed to be my bestie. Which is why I’ve been missing you so much lately. It’s been hard, you know?” Beca bites her bottom lip and nods in understanding. And as Chloe’s lip quivers and a tear slowly rolls down her face she realizes just how much she had truly missed the girl. “I was just _so_ lonely. No one…you’re the only person that gets me. You’re the only one that knows about what’s been going on in my head and you look out for me. I knew that when Stacie came over and practically took the drink out of my hand that you had gotten to her. And I panicked because I didn’t know how to talk to you without getting emotional or sounding like a complete nightmare.”

“You sound perfectly fine, Beale. I was freaking out too. You have every right to tell me to fuck off and throw a drink in my face. I wouldn’t **blame** you if you did that. I know I don’t deserve how nice you’re being to me.” Chloe sniffles as she swipes the tears out of her eyes and Beca softly says “You know that I didn’t tell Aubrey anything, right? I would never betray you like that.”

“I know you would never do that to me. That’s why you’re my favorite.”

Chloe’s face lights up a little as Beca grins and she can’t stop herself from pulling the girl in for a hug. Beca doesn’t know why it makes her feel like she’s at home. Why she doesn’t want the girl to stop holding her like that. Why she’s afraid to tell her to keep holding her.

She feels solid in Chloe’s arms, grounded in a way that she hasn’t in a long time. It terrifies her.

She doesn’t let go.

"I just missed you so much", Chloe whispers into her ear and Beca shivers at how her soft breath tickles her earlobe. She can't count how many times she's fallen asleep just like this. "We promised each other that things wouldn’t change with us, no matter what happened, and then you just dropped me from your life. I didn’t hear from you for weeks, you didn’t return any of my texts. I thought I had lost you.”

“You’ll never lose me, Chlo. I promise that-”

“-You promised me that we’d always have each other and you disappeared. Thank God for Fat Amy, because without her I would have had no idea if you were dead in a ditch somewhere. Oh Beca, don’t make that face!” Beca tries to hide the smile that has started to tug at the corners of her lips and Chloe just shakes her head before letting a small smile creep onto her lips too. She’s never been able to stay angry at Beca. “I’m sorry I’m so possessive. I was just freaked out and worried and I thought that I had done something wrong. I was scared. I’m **still** scared that we’re going to leave this hotel and you’ll disappear on me again.”

"I'm not going to hurt you again. It was just so hectic and new and I didn't know how to balance everything. If I'm being honest, I've probably been letting Jason take advantage of me. I was just thankful for the job and getting out of the house. I didn't realize that I was losing myself in the process." She reaches out for Chloe's hand again, already missing the contact with the girl, and quietly admits "I didn't think it would be like this."

“Me either.”

Chloe's words are so soft that Beca isn't entirely sure that she hears them at first. But then she looks up and sees how Chloe is staring at her lips. She can feel how tightly the girl is holding both of her hands now. And as tears fill Chloe's eyes again she thinks that maybe they're talking about radically different things.

“Let’s head inside before the girls corrupt Emily. I can’t believe they flew Benji in just so she can have sex with him. She’s practically a baby!” Chloe takes two big steps away from her and furrows her brow when Beca stays in the same place and just stares at her while she plays with the cap of her spiked lemonade. “Are you coming in with me? Beca…?”

“Just give me a minute to say this before I think too much and **never** say what I need to say.”

Chloe gapes at her from the short distance between them and bridges the gap. She doesn’t reach out for Beca’s hands this time, content to study the girl as she battles with herself internally.

Beca looks up at Chloe and almost loses her breath. Her eyes are **so** blue. She’s not drunk this time and she won’t have the excuse in the morning when this inevitably goes wrong. She’s scared.

And she can’t stop.

“You were the best part of every day I had all summer. And maybe that’s why my life sucks right now – because you’re not in it.” Chloe is close to her now and all she can see is blue. She doesn’t pull away. “I don’t do parties and I made sure I was at every single one just to spend fifteen minutes with you outside. I didn’t care about the drinks or the awful karaoke or whatever weird shit Amy did to get a laugh. All I cared about was you.”

“Beca…”

"I know what everyone says about us. And I think I was so afraid of being one of their little jokes that I didn't let myself see it." She lets her forehead dip forward and rest against Chloe's as she stares into her eyes. She can't believe that Chloe isn't running away from her. She knows she's rambling, but she can't stop herself from pouring it all out. It's been way too long. She loves how strong her voice is, not giving out on her as she lays it all out on the table. "Maybe I was just an idiot because I think I've known it all along."

“Known what?”

Chloe’s question is squeezed out between quivering lips and Beca can practically feel the hope in the air. And it’s okay. They both want the same thing. She doesn’t have to be afraid.

“That I really like you. And that I’d be the biggest idiot in this city if I didn’t kiss you right-”

Chloe's lips taste like cherry lip balm and orange Tic Tacs. She's never tasted anything so sweet before.

And as the minutes tick on and they melt into each other, Beca letting Chloe’s tongue slip over her lips and brush against her own with a soft moan, she never wants to taste anything else again.

* * *

They kiss the whole ride to Chloe’s place.

Neither of the girls are drunk, Beca makes sure of that when she ignores her Mike's in favor of Chloe's lips, but Beca doesn't want the distraction of Chloe's hands as she attempts to navigate through the city. And, also, because she kinda just wants to make out with the girl for a little longer.

She comes up with a flimsy excuse for why she can't drive home when she hands her keys to Amy and makes her promise not to wreck her baby. She was working too hard to pay for her new (to her at least) little Mustang and Amy was known to be flighty at best. Chloe clung to her as they made their way to the elevator and it didn't take much for Amy to buy that Chloe was tipsy and needed help getting home. And as they entered the lift and Beca pressed the button for the lobby she had wanted to compliment Chloe on her acting skills but was stopped by the girl's very sober lips and hands pressing her against the wall.

She feels _kinda_ bad for their Uber driver, but at least they’re not having sex in the backseat so it could be worse. She’s not even sure if that’s in the cards for them. It doesn’t stop her from thinking about it though. She really likes the little whimpers and moans that slip from Chloe’s lips into her own. She also appreciates how handsy Chloe is being. It’s been a while since anyone has touched her like this and it’s kinda nice to feel herself turning into putty under Chloe’s strong grip.

She thanks their driver and lets Chloe take her hand in hers and guide her into her building. They wait in the lobby for the elevator and when it takes too long to arrive Chloe leads her to the stairs. She wants to grumble at the prospect of climbing three flights of stairs in her uncomfortable outfit (Amy had convinced her to wear a dress and she is **never** listening to the girl again), but Chloe shoots her a tiny grin as they start to ascend the stairs and she suddenly forgets what she was about to complain about.

Chloe fumbles with her keys as they stand in front of her apartment, but when Beca places a hand on her back and squeezes gently she allows herself to take a deep breath and compose herself. She knows that she’s let the girl stay over at her place countless times, but she’s never taken her home after a cab ride with roaming hands and what feels like the start of a hickey on her collarbone.

She’s not scared. She’s done this before. She’s taken girls home before.

But never a Bella. Never her best friend.

Beca kicks off her heels as Chloe kneels in front of the shelving unit in her living room and flips through her vinyl. She watches her from the kitchen and wonders if she should start to take her clothes off. If it would be presumptuous to unzip her dress and present herself to Chloe in her underwear. If maybe Chloe wants the opportunity to do it herself.

She settles on hanging her jacket on the back of one of the kitchen chairs before leaning against the arm of the couch and watching Chloe. She’s always been a generous friend.

“Do you want to listen to David Guetta?” Chloe asks slyly while holding up a copy of Nothing But The Beat and winking at her. “This one has Titanium on it.”

Beca's eyes nearly roll out of her head and she can't stop her stomach from doing flips when Chloe laughs. She's always loved the sound that her laughter makes as it tumbles from her lips. It's one of her favorite things about the girl.

“I’m not turning your lady jam into our sex jam, thank you very much.”

Chloe raises her eyebrows as the words leave her mouth. And when her smirk turns into a grin Beca knows that she wasn't being presumptuous at all. _This_ is actually going to happen. She feels like she's going to jump out of her skin but in a good way. Like all of her nerves are suddenly alive and running in currents under her skin. It feels good. 

Chloe slides her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans and as she starts to flick her finger against the screen Beca can see them trembling slightly. She doesn’t know if she should be worried as the girl connects her phone into her receiver and turns on the speakers before flipping through Spotify again. She can tell that she’s trying to prolong whatever this is between them.

“Are you scared?”

“Nervous.” Chloe sets her phone on top of the shelf and bites her bottom lip as Beca regards her silently. “It’s been a while.”

Beca crosses the short distance between them and gently takes the phone from Chloe’s hands. She smiles down at the choice that she made, Tactilian by Half Waif. She makes a mental note of it for later. For ~~when~~ if this happens again. She can't believe that she's mentally cataloging songs to fuck her best friend to.

She turns off the phone and places it on the shelving unit. She smiles at Chloe before leaning in to kiss her.

"No music", she mumbles against Chloe's lips as she lets her hand drift down her front. Her fingers linger on the buttons of Chloe's nice shirt before she starts to undo them one by one. She's never been happier to see that the girl isn't wearing a bra. She can hear Chloe's breath catch in her chest as she reaches the bottom and the cool air of the air-conditioned apartment hits her bare skin. She likes the way it sounds. "I want to hear the sounds you make."

Chloe flushes from her cheeks to her exposed breasts. Beca likes that too.

* * *

Beca likes the way the weight of Chloe’s body feels as she presses down on top of her. She can smell her fruity body wash intermingling with her sweat and she loves it. She wants to taste it. She knows it will be her new favorite taste.

She’s too distracted by Chloe’s tongue running down the length of her neck to make a move. The way that she stops to suck on the tender skin behind her ear and giggles when Beca squirms and groans at the sensation. How she can feel her teeth working the skin just above her collarbone into what she _knows_ is going to be a killer hickey.

Her skin burns when Chloe lets her tongue linger in the space between her breasts, sucking on the skin and taking care of the sweat that has pooled there. She grabs onto her hair when she moves to her nipples, grazing them as they harden and biting down when Beca can’t hold back the noises that are fighting to escape from her mouth.

She doesn’t know why she’s afraid to let go. It’s not like they’re back at her place and dealing with her nosy roommate. Thank God.

Chloe seems to get off on the sounds that she’s making now, letting her hand **finally** drift the slight distance to her center and part her folds. Beca whimpers when she checks to make sure that she’s wet before letting one finger slip inside. Her thumb rubs lazy circles against her clit as Beca leans up to kiss her and Chloe lets another finger slip inside once Beca gets comfortable.

She can feel Chloe’s arm rubbing against her thighs and sneaks a peek between their bodies, groaning when she sees that the girl has started to touch herself. It’s so fucking hot. It’s not what she wants though.

“Don’t”, she whimpers against Chloe’s lips as the girl starts to increase her pace. “I want to get you off.”

“You will. I’m just getting warmed up for you.”

She’s not sure how her brain doesn’t short circuit after that. It’s literally the hottest thing that anyone has ever said to her and she can’t stop her hips from bucking as she finds herself getting closer to the edge. It’s far too quick. She wants this to last. She wants to know what Chloe’s lips feel like everywhere else.

She doesn’t know how to tell her what she needs. She doesn’t want it to stop. It’s too good.

“Chlo…you have to stop for a sec.” She gasps out when Chloe's thumb immediately stops circling her and her fingers freeze inside of her. She fights her hips from continuing to move against her fingers, picking up the rhythm that the girl has already started. She puts her hands over her eyes and softly says "I don't want to come yet."

She likes the way Chloe’s laugh feels against her stomach. The way that she tilts her head back as pearls of laughter slip over her lips and how dilated her pupils are when they make eye contact.

Why the fuck did she stop her?

“That’s kind of the goal, Bec.” She slips her fingers out of herself and lets them drift across Beca’s abdomen, tapping out a slow rhythm as the girl’s cheeks flush impossibly red. Beca can see her essence still shimmering on them and she wants to take them into her mouth. She wants to know what she tastes like. She settles on wrapping her fingers around Chloe’s wrist and guiding it up to her chest, squeezing her eyes shut as Chloe pinches and tugs at her nipples again. “We can stop if you want to. Just say the word and we’re done. It’s **okay**.”

“I don’t…I just want to last a little bit longer. I want to…”

She’s too embarrassed to say what she wants. She doesn’t want to scare Chloe away. She knows that maybe she should have thought about that before she literally let the girl rip her dress off and take her to bed.

She’s nervous. A little scared of fucking this up. She wants it to be good.

“Beca, it’s just me. You can tell me anything.” She moves up Beca’s body and kisses her lips, keeping her fingers inside as her palm flattens and presses down against her sensitive clit. She grins as Beca groans into her mouth and wraps her arms around her back, pulling her close. “We have all night and I plan on taking advantage of it. What do you want me to do for you?”

“I want you to go down on me.”

Chloe’s whole face seems to brighten as she places another kiss against her lips and creeps back down her body. Beca gasps as Chloe gently guides her fingers out and reaches out for Beca’s hand, threading their fingers together as her breath ghosts over her clit.

“That’s all you had to say.”

Beca sees stars when she surges forward and wraps her lips around it. Moans so loudly that she worries about Chloe’s neighbors as she keeps bringing her to the edge and backing off, whispering for her to hold on just a little while longer. Cries out and pulls Chloe close to her body when she comes, letting her hips buck against her mouth as she squeezes Chloe’s hands and throws her head back.

The waves of her orgasm are just starting to dissipate when Chloe lies down next to her and rests her head in the crook of her neck. She wraps her arms across Beca's sweaty body and stretches up to kiss her, letting her tongue make a lazy pass over Beca's bottom lip and allowing the girl to taste herself as she catches her breath.

“Are you ready for round two?”

Strike what she said before. **That** is the hottest thing that anyone has ever said to her. By far.

“Fuck.”

* * *

Her back is **killing** her when she wakes up. She can't even begin to understand how Chloe sleeps on the pull-out bed every night and manages to not rip everyone's head off when she talks to them. Its discomfort is beyond the pale. 

She flops onto her back and smiles when she sees Chloe curled onto her side, breathing deeply with her head propped on her folded hands. It's _kinda_ ridiculous how innocent she looks after the things she did to her last night. She’s pretty sure that she’s not going to be able to wear a tank-top for weeks. She’s not even sure how she’s going to sit like a normal person.

She's so tired. She doesn't hate it though. She likes being kept up for good reasons and she can't think of one better than Chloe Beale's lips.

She must've gotten up at some point in the night and pulled her button-down back on. She’ll have to investigate Chloe’s body later to see the damage that she inflicted. Maybe she could convince the girl to take a shower with her. After she makes her pancakes. A girl’s got to have priorities.

She needs some water. Her throat is uncomfortably dry and she kinda has to pee as well. She sits up carefully so she doesn’t wake Chloe up and looks around for her clothes. She doesn’t really know what the protocol for this situation is. She’s never slept with someone that she’s not in a relationship with. She’s also never slept with a woman before, but there’s a first time for everything. She can’t find her underwear as she looks around the living area and decides that she’s going to just stay naked. It’s not like Chloe hasn’t seen it at this point.

Her eyes are still a little blurry from her restless night as she stumbles out of the bathroom and makes her way to Chloe's kitchen. She doesn't even see it coming when her foot steps onto something small and waggly and furry. She hears its' angry barks though as she looks down and sees a small puppy turning in circles in front of her and calling out for her mother. What. The. Hell?

“When the fuck did you get a dog?” Beca asks as Chloe comes into the kitchen and holds out her arms for the dog to run into. She blushes as Chloe kneels down and her shirt rides up, exposing the fact that she’s not wearing anything under it. She still can’t believe that she slept with Chloe. How did she get that lucky? “She’s mean!”

“She’s scared. It’s not often that she wakes up and finds a naked person standing in **her** kitchen." She picks the dog up in her arms and walks towards Beca, motioning for the girl to pet the fluffy pup. "My dad thought I sounded kinda sad on the phone a couple weeks ago and decided to surprise me with this little one. They're really good at throwing money at emotional things and hoping that it’ll fix it.”

Beca nods knowingly and smiles a little as the dog gets comfortable in Chloe’s arms and yawns. She’s not one for animals, but even she has to admit that it’s _kinda_ cute. She likes the way that Chloe seemingly melts whenever she looks at it. The last time she had seen the girl get that goo-goo eyed over anything was anytime Emily went to her for advice or help or in search of a cuddle buddle back at Barden. She can't wait to text Legacy with the news that Chloe has replaced her with a new puppy.

“What’s her name?”

“Barden. I know it’s lame, but I like it. She’s my little baby!”

She likes the cartoon voice that Chloe uses whenever she speaks to Barden. It feels nice in her chest, warm in a way that she can’t really describe.

“It’s not lame. It’s really cute, Chlo.” She girl beams back at her as she puts the dog down and lets her run back to her little bed over by the front door. She looks like some kind of golden retriever mix and she briefly wonders how a big dog like that is supposed to live in a shoebox like this. She’s heard countless stories from Chloe over the years about her parents and she’s not surprised at all. They had overlooked her years of sadness and fear of moving on in favor of throwing tuition money at her. The fact that they had given her a big puppy after a worrying phone call was nothing. She used to think that she was the only one with a messed up family but now she knows that she was wrong. Every family is messed up in its own way. “How did you hide her from me last night? We weren’t exactly being quiet.”

“She was staying next door with my neighbor Rosie. She’s this sweet little old lady that loves dogs. I wasn’t sure when I’d be getting back from the party so she offered to keep an eye on her. She dropped her off this morning before she went to church.”

“Did she…?”

“No, she’s **very** hard of hearing. I wouldn't have minded if she did though. It was pretty hot." Beca can feel herself blushing again and is very aware of the fact that she's not wearing a stitch of clothing. She kinda wishes that she had taken one of the blankets from Chloe's bed so she'd have something to wrap around herself. She's not embarrassed by her body, but she's also not entirely comfortable being this open in front of anyone. Even her very best friend. "Were you trying to sneak out while I was sleeping?"

“Oh totes”, Beca snips while crossing her arms in front of her breasts and shaking her head at the smirk that’s playing on Chloe’s lips. “I was just going to go downstairs completely naked and hail a cab. I figure that the only way that I can get a vacation is by getting myself arrested for indecent exposure. I’m so glad you figured out my plan.”

“You’re such an ass.”

“You didn’t seem to think so last night.” It’s Chloe’s turn to blush now and Beca closes the distance between them and reaches out for her hands. She trembles a little when she feels how cold Chloe’s are. She **really** needs to get her back to bed. “I was just grabbing a bottle of water. You looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to wake you.”

She had been afraid that what had happened last night didn’t mean the same thing to Chloe as it had meant to her. But when she sees Chloe smile in relief and move to fetch her a bottle of water out of the fridge she knows they’re on the same page.

It’s everything.

Beca is a little thankful that Chloe had folded her bed back into the couch when she had been in the bathroom. She knows that as much as she likes the girl, there was no way that she was laying on that contraption again for a long time. Maybe she could use the nagging ache in her lower back to get a back massage out of Chloe. The girl had always been good at working the kinks out of her muscles back when they were in school.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chloe asks as she walks into the room with a mug of coffee and sits across from her on the couch. She reaches for one of her blankets that she had left neatly folded up on her coffee table and pulls it over their bodies, getting comfortable as she pulls her knees under her chin and rests her mug on top. “I had a really good time last night, but it’s okay if you only want it to be a one time-”

 “-No, I definitely don’t want that!”

"Thank God, I only brought it up to give you an out if you needed it." Beca laughs at the way she's rambling and Chloe doesn't stop herself from reaching out and shoving her a little. She even lets herself laugh when the girl spills some of her water down her front, yelping as the ice-cold liquid hits her bare skin. "I've liked you for a while now. I hope that's not weird for you to hear."

"Is that why you didn't want to live together when I broke up with Jesse?" Beca knows the answer already but frowns when Chloe looks away from her and nods her head slowly. She wishes that she had said something to her about it, but she can't blame her either. Feelings are tough and she knows that if she was in the same situation she would have kept it to herself too. "Oh, Chlo. I’m sorry you felt like things would be weird if we lived together. But, if it means anything to you, I’m _pretty_ sure that we would never have gotten to this point if we were under the same roof."

“Do you like me too?”

“I wouldn’t have slept with you if I didn’t like you.”

"That's not what I mean, B." She puts her mug on the coffee table and puts her arms on top of her knees, letting her head rest on top of them as she studies Beca. "It's okay if you didn't or whatever. I know it's pathetic to pine over someone for years when they're clearly in a good relationship."

“I think I’ve liked you since the moment I met you. I might not have known what to make of it at first and then Jesse happened and it was just…it was easier to be with him. I liked him, but I wouldn’t have been devastated if I lost him as a friend. I couldn’t imagine actually telling you how I felt and risking losing you or, God forbid, Aubrey finding out and literally ripping my head off. I wasn’t grown up enough to let myself have what I really wanted.”

“Which was?”

"Well, for starters, you. But, I guess I've never really been good at letting myself go after the things I want. It's why I shied away from taking a job at Residual Heat or why I didn't fight hard enough to have a good balance between Bellas and my internship last year. It was easier to just let my senior year slip away instead of having those tough conversations." She lets her fingers touch Chloe's chin and guides her head up, smiling a little when she sees that she's not angry or emotional or avoiding eye contact. She's beautiful. "Jesse and I weren't good for each other. He made me happy and the sex was nice, but he didn't make me want to be a better version of myself. **You** do.”

“Beca…”

“Chloe, I really like you. And I don’t want to just have this as a fond memory.” She lets her hands drift over to Chloe’s flannel and starts to slowly unbutton the first few buttons, exposing her breasts. She leans forward and kisses the girl before gently nudging the fabric apart and waiting for Chloe’s little nod to make sure it’s okay before she places her hands on them. “You said that you didn’t want things to change between us.”

"They won't", Chloe whispers while stroking her cheek gently and closing her eyes, enjoying how nice Beca's fingers feel as they stroke over her nipples. She can feel them beginning to harden with arousal and she groans while unbuttoning the last two buttons on her shirt and discarding it onto the floor. "We'll still be friends. We'll just be introducing new activities into the mix. And some of them will be nude."

* * *

It’s around eleven and the sun is pouring through the giant window in Chloe’s living area, bathing Beca’s bare back as she kneels in front of Chloe on the couch. It’s warm and it’s far too early for this kind of intrusion, but she can’t bring herself to stand up and close the blinds. She kinda likes that anyone down below could see what they’re doing. She’s never been much of a voyeur, but she’s also never hooked up with someone as beautiful as Chloe Beale before.

It’s the kind of high that can get you instantly hooked.

She wants to catalog this moment in her mind and keep it for whenever she wants to boost her ego or feel like the biggest badass in the greater Atlanta area. Or mostly for whenever she’s horny because this is singlehandedly the fucking hottest thing she’s ever seen in her life.

Chloe is perched on the edge of the couch with her legs spread wide for her. She’s got a leg resting on each of Beca’s shoulders and their fingers are threaded together on top of her thighs as Beca slowly drives her crazy with her mouth.

She wants to make it last. She wants to draw it out all afternoon and into the evening. She likes the way she tastes on her tongue and the quiet little whimpers she keeps making whenever Beca pulls back from the quick circles her tongue is making around her clit to catch her breath. The way she gasps when Beca kisses the inside of her thighs and sucks on the skin, leaving marks that only the two of them will ever see. How she’s trying so hard to be good and _not_ grab onto her hair and pull Beca’s head closer to her, speeding the process along and riding her face until she gets what she wants.

Chloe is close. She’s holding onto Beca’s hands tightly as she starts to make low keening noises, not even trying to hold them back any longer. Beca slips a finger inside of her and practically has to hold Chloe’s hips down as they buck up violently.

“Beca…please.”

Beca wants to make it last, but how can she say no to that? She surges forward again and slips another finger inside as she quickens the circles she’s making. Chloe doesn’t last much longer after that, coming hard around Beca’s fingers as she gasps and lets her body collapse back on the couch as Beca brings her down slowly. It’s round four for the both of them and as much as she likes Beca, she’s sure she’s going to scream if she touches her again.

“Are you good?” Beca pants against her thigh as she slowly pulls back and wipes her face off with the back of her hand. “I’m so fucking exhausted.”

“I’ve never been better.”

* * *

“Who is this?” Beca whimpers into her phone. She had tried to ignore it, but the ringtone was far too annoying and her head was aching from the noise. She can’t wait to get some sleep in an actual bed. “Why the fuck are you calling me this early?”

“It’s 2 o’clock. Where are you at?”

Fucking Amy. Jesus Christ, it was never the right time to deal with her.

“None of your business.” She sits up on the couch and looks around, rubbing her eyes. She must’ve fallen asleep sometime after their fourth go-around when they both collapsed on the couch and laid together quietly as they caught their breath. Chloe isn’t anywhere to be found and she can hear water running down the hall. “What’s up?”

“I was just checking to see if you got Chloe home okay. You guys left way early and her face was all red so we figured she was pretty far gone. Aubrey was worried that she’d get sick and be by herself.”

“She’s fine. I dropped her off and gave her a bunch of water. No need to worry.” She stands up, looking for her long discarded clothes, and adds “I crashed at a friend’s place, but I’ll be home in a bit. Do you need anything while I’m out?”

“Hey, Bec?”

**God damn it.**

“Yeah, Chlo?” There’s no use in trying to hide it, she knows she’s dead from the audible gasp she hears from Amy.

“Have you seen my panties from last night? I can’t find them anywhere.”

Chloe is walking towards her, wrapped up in a towel with damp hair fresh out of her shower. She’s smiling and Beca knows that she can’t possibly have any idea who she’s on the phone with and how big of an inconvenience her knowing is going to be. Chloe simply raises an eyebrow and Beca feels herself melt as she points to the lacy black underwear that are currently hanging by a thread from a lampshade across the room.

“They’re um…on the lamp. I must’ve thrown them over there last night.”

“You’re too much.”

Chloe kisses her cheek as she strolls over to collect her missing garment and Beca can’t stop herself from beaming. She also kinda wishes she had kept them as a souvenir.

She has a pretty good idea that she’ll have many more opportunities for that.

“Not a word”, Beca snips once Chloe has left the room with her panties in hand. “Don’t make this-”

“-Way to go stud!”

“Fuck. Off.”

“I’m proud of you two daft twats. Everyone knew that you two would eventually get it right.” Amy pauses for a few moments and adds “I just didn’t think it’d take you 4 years. Do you think Cynthia Rose will still honor my bet?

“Are you done yet or do you have some more? You might as well get it out of your system before I come home and kill you.”

“No, I think I’ll let you get back to it. Chloe might need some help getting her panties back on.”

“Goodbye, Amy!” She hangs up the phone and smirks when she sees Chloe leaning on the wall outside of her bathroom and frowning at her. “That’s what you get for wearing underwear, Beale.”

“Oh, that’s an easy problem to fix. Do you want to come take them off again?”

"As appealing as that sounds, I'm pretty sure that if we attempt a round five I **won’t** be able to sit down for a week.” She finally locates her dress from the night before and grimaces at the outfit. Chloe had promised her a very late breakfast and she can’t picture herself slipping it back on and going to the small restaurant around the corner. She’s also pretty sure that her neck is covered in Chloe’s handiwork and no one needs to see that. “Do you have something I can wear? That dress is not going to cut it.”

“Go get a shower and I’ll try to find you something that’ll fit. We can take Barden for a walk whenever you’re ready!”

Beca winces a little at the thought and just how coupley it sounds, but there are far worse ways she could be spending her Sunday. Besides, who _wouldn’t_ want to look like they were dating Chloe Beale? 

She knows it’s far too soon, but she kinda likes the way the idea of dating her feels in her chest. It’s nice.

The water has just become warm in the shower when she hears her phone chime from its place on the sink board. It’s so tempting to just ignore it, but after the eventful conversation she’s already had today she’s not going to risk it.

_Fat Amy [2:48 P.M.]: Red alert! Bhloe is real. I repeat BHLOE IS REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!_

The bathroom door opens a few seconds later and Chloe quirks an eyebrow at her as she holds out her cellphone. Beca looks down at the screen and sees that Amy had sent it out to the ongoing Bellas group chat. Fucking great.

“What’s a Bhloe?” Chloe asks while offering her a pair of jeans and a flannel to change into when she’s done.

“You don’t even want to know. I’m going to **kill** Amy.”

Both of their phones continue to chime and Chloe can’t help herself from smiling as excited texts start to come in from all of their friends. She likes the way that Beca’s whole body is flushing as she sends off a text telling them to chill out. It’s cute. **She’s** cute.

She kinda hopes that this means that they’re dating, but she’s not going to rush it. They have forever to figure out whatever this is between them. She knows Beca isn’t going anywhere.

“So…are you going to get that shower or not?”

“Only if you join me – for old time’s sake.”

Chloe doesn't have to think twice as she starts to unbutton her top and watches as Beca disappears behind the curtain. At this rate, they're never going to leave her apartment, let alone grab brunch with Barden at her favorite bistro.

She can’t think of anything better.

* * *

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am very aware of the fact that Tactilian was released in 2016. However, I'm taking creative liberties because it's a good sexy song.
> 
> TItle comes from Heathen by Colouring.


End file.
